what I have to say
by ColourMeDemented
Summary: Kurt finally tells Blaine what he thinks of his cheating.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so I have a few opinions on "the break up" and I just have to say I was so pissed when they went to bed together after the cheating came to light. you don't get into bed with a guy that cheated on you, have some god damn dignity!**

**So here's just a little drabble for those of you angry at Kurt not standing up for himself.**

* * *

"Kurt, please call me back. I think we need to talk about this." Blaine left dozens, maybe a hundred messages just like that one to Kurt in the past week following their breakup (?) Are they broken up?

Blaine sighed and sat in his seat, and waited for Mr. Schue to start the lesson. He looked around and the only other person in the room that knew about his mistake was Finn, who hadn't said anything to him other than "how could you do that to him?". Blaine pressed the heals of his hands to his eyes and heaved a heavy sigh. He didnt know where to go from here. He didn't know if he had a boyfriend, he didn't know why he did it, and he didn't know why Eli kept texting him and calling him 'baby'. He wanted Kurt, Eli didn't mean anything to him. He was lonely and Eli was easy. Plain as that.

"...and thats why I've brought back three of our favorite members this week!" Blaines head snapped up as Mr. Schue pointed out there were more people in the room.

There, in the fron tof the room, looking hotter than hell itself was Kurt.

"Kurt I-"

"Save it Blaine." Everyone looked shocked, as Blaine looked like someone had slapped him in the face, which he honestly was lucky Kurt didn't do, concidering seeing him made Kurt want to throw up.

"Kurt just let me explain..."

"Why? When I simply texted another guy you went off and humiliated me in front of my friends and family, saying I'd cheated. Fuck Blaine, you sang a song about it. You're a fucking drama queen and a such a martyr." Everyone watched in awe, Kurt never swore. The only one who wasn't shocked was Rachel. She was used to hearing it now. It was like Blaine was the damn that Kept Kurt in check. And now that he wasn't there Kurt had changed.

"You show up at my apartment, flowers in hand and a smile on your face. You kissed me hello, like nothing was wrong. When were you planning on telling me? Were you even going to? I called you out on your sad attitude and you felt you had to tell me. How long were you going to fake it?"

"What's he talking about dude?" Sam said, looking at Blaine through the corner of his eye.

"Texting isn't cheating, Blaine. What you did, that's cheating."

"Kurt I just-"

"You FUCKED another GUY Blaine!" Collective gasps went around the room as everyone looked to the former warbler in shock,

"Kurt please, not here..."

"I'm giving you the same courtesy you showed me." Kurt took a deep breath and walked to right in front of his boyfriend,

"You wouldn't tell me then, but I have a right to know. What was his name?"

"It doesn't matter, Kurt."

"What was his god damn name!"

"Why do you care?!"

"Because I at least deserve to know who my boyfriend chose over me." Blaine laughed bitterly,

"So you can go and terrorize him for ruining our relationship?"

"No, because I don't blame him for that."

"What?"

"I blame YOU. YOU ruined us, he was just a pawn for that. YOU destroyed what we had." Blaine felt like the wind had been knocked out of his lungs and a pin could be heard dropping the floor at that moment.

"Kurt, what are you trying to say?"

"I don't want a little boy who's going to go running to someone else if I cant pick up the phone because I'm in a meeting. I'm an adult, Blaine. I have a job, responsibilities, and bills to pay. I'm doing what I need to to make a life for myself. I thought I was making a life for us. I was kissing so much ass, and working to my breaking point so I could get us an apartment for ourselves when you moved up there, so we wouldn't have to share with Rachel. So we could have our own life. Some place to make ours. You ruined all of that." Tears were free falling down Blaines face, but Kurt remained solid, even thought Blaine felt him getting further away,

"You're not the guy I fell in love with. You're not what I need anymore, Blaine."

"Do you mean..."

"Yes."

"Kurt-!"

"But, maybe not forever. You just need to figure somethings out first. But prove something to me Blaine. Prove to me right now, that he doesn't mean anything to you." Blaine dug his phone out of his pocket and pressed Eli's message thread and handed it to Kurt.

"I havn't replied to anything he's sent me. I don't want him, Kurt! I want you. I need you. You're my life, my soul mate. I love you."

"No, you don't. If you loved me you wouldn't have cheated on me. I don't doubt that you feel like you love me, but you don't. If you did, Eli would have never happened."

"Kurt."

"You need some time to figure out who you are. Without me. Maybe when you graduate, we can try this again." and Kurt turned around and walked out of the room, and went back to New York, sending an apology text to Mr. Schue saying he'd have to work on the costumes in New York, because Lima was too painful.


	2. Chapter 2

**This is really tickling my muse, thinking of writing a full story with this, **

**Comment yes or no if you'd read. :)**

**XOXO - K**


	3. Chapter 3

**OH MAH GAWSH! I'm so happy at the response for this! I usually write fluffy stuff, so we'll see how this goes. X).**

**I can't promise the ending of this story. Not sure if they'll get back together or not, I'm gonna let it kinda write itself. That being said, yes there is a plot and a point. lol**

**Let me know what you think!**

* * *

Kurt cried all the way back to New York. The elderly woman sitting next to him held his hand and told him to tell her all about it. He'd expected her to be offended when she found out he was Gay, but she wasn't, she just smiled and handed him a tissue.

"I have a gay grandson. And he would have never cheated on you." Kurt chuckled thickly and smiled,

"We can hope."

"He wouldn't have. He knows I'll beat him senseless if he ever did that to anyone." She looked at him sideways and smirked, "So. You laid into him then?" Kurt nodded and smiled,

"In front of all of our friends."

"Atta boy."

* * *

She'd insisted he call her Nana ( Na-Na ) and gave him her number and told him they'd have coffee.

Kurt got home to his apartment and looked at his bed in disgust. He still can't believe he let Blaine sleep with him that night. He should have kicked his ass out. Made him get a hotel, or sleep in the park. Which ever would have worked.

Kurt changed into his sweats and grabbed a bowl of mac and cheese, he'd solve his sorrows with trash TV.

At about ten thirty Kurts phone rang,

"Hey Mark." Mark was a guy from work, he did receptionist stuff, like Kurt and they had been talking since Kurt and Blaine broke up,

"Hey, get dressed. We're going drinking."

"Mark. I'm eighteen."

"Oh. Right...Damnit." Kurt sighed and rolled his eyes,

"I'm just gonna go to bed. Night Mark." Mark was a nice guy, but he just couldn't take the hint that Kurt wasn't interested. Kurt hung up the phone and turned off the TV.

He crawled into bed and stared at the empty spot next to him.

Blaine hurt him more than he could have imagined, his heart was broken and he didn't know if he could ever repair it. He loved Blaine with all of his heart, and he wasn't sure where to go from here. Blaine was all he knew. He didn't know how to flirt, he didn't know how to ask someone out. And he didn't know what to do if he actually got another boyfriend. He felt like he'd be too hung up on Blaine to get serious with someone. He wanted to move on, at least until Blaine graduated. He wanted to date other people, even if it wasn't serious. He wanted to experience the things New York had to offer.

But he wasn't sure he liked the feeling of being on his own.

* * *

The next day felt like it was dragging on forever. He had off work for the next week, and he felt himself slowly going insane. Maybe he shouldn't be ignoring calls from his friends and family. At least Blaine got the hint this time and hasn't called him. Only sending him a single text,

_Okay, if this is what you really want, I'll do it. I love you (even if you think I dont) and I'll do anything for you. - Blaine_

Kurt got dressed and headed down to the starbucks across the street.

Once inside he got his usual and sat on a couch facing out the window. Five or ten minutes passed and he was about to leave when a familiar voice startled him,

"Hey stranger." He looked up with wide eyes, and for the first time since Blaine he felt a real smile,

"David hi! What are you doing in New York?"

"I'm going to school for accounting. And you're on Brodway I assume?"

"Actually working for Vogue . com." Dave looked impressed and sat next to Kurt,

"Still dating that guy, Bland?"

"Blaine." Kurt chuckled at the nickname, "Actually no."

"Really? You were like madly in love with him."

"He, uhm. He cheated on me."

"What the fuck, man?"

"Yeah. My feelings exactly." Dave fidgeted for a moment and sighed,

"Well, if you're not too busy, I'd love to take you out for dinner." Kurt smiled and felt for the first time in a while, really happy. Dave didn't seem to expect too much, and he was really nice since the bullying stopped. At least Kurt could give him a chance.

"I'd like that."


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm trying to think of a new name for this, let me know your ideas. :)**

**In this chapter I'm introducing Adam. Because I like him.**

**Also I'me sorry about the lack of updates, and they may be really slow for a while. I have school including 2 college classes (I'm a junior in high school) plus a job plus I'm in the midst of waiting to find out if I'm pregnant. So I'm torn in like a thousand directions right now.**

**With that said, please enjoy the chappie. :) XOXO**

* * *

The doorbell rang just as Kurt finished his hair and he smiled to himself as he opened the door to Dave holding a pink rose.

"Hey Dave. Oooh! Pretty." Kurt smiled even wider as he took the flower and got a thin vase to place it in. He walked it over to his dresser and set it on top next to the picture of him and his dad.

"Anywhere specific you want to go?" Kurt shook his head no and took the arm Dave held out to him.

"Well in that case, I have a place I'd love to show you. Any food allergies?"

"Nope." Kurt was walking on air tonight for some reason.

"Fantastic!"

* * *

Kurt and Dave talked for almost two hours about how their lives had been going, what they were doing now, and what their plans for the future were.

"I'm re auditioning for NYADA tomorrow...I'm freaking out a bit to be honest. I have no idea what to sing or wear or anything."

"I think you need to put more emotion into your stuff. It's all great show tunes, but it's not really YOU. It's how people see you, and how you like them to see you. But it's not you. Show them you. The deep you, that very few have seen. Maybe ask your closest friends what song they think describes you, then listen through your iPod. use what you're feeling. What are you feeling?"

Kurt thought for a moment, taking it all in. What did he feel? He hasn't felt much since the break up.

"Numb."

"Numb?"

"I think I've stopped feeling. Maybe I forgot how to feel. I felt happy today when you showed up."

"Okay. Well were going to play a game I learned in Psychology class." Kurt furrowed his brow, he never much believed in Psychobabble. But he'd play along.

"Okay?"

"I'm going to say a word, be it a place, name or color or something like that and you're going to say the first emotion that comes to mind."

"Okay?"

"Paris"

"Giddy."

"Lima"

"Pain"

"Burt"

"Warm"

"Spiders"

"Fear"

"Buschwick"

"Home. Is that an emotion?"

"It's a feeling."

"Okay."

"Rachel"

"Happy"

"NYADA"

"Anxiety"

"Broadway"

"Want"

"David"

"Comfortable"

"Dinner"

"I don't know an emotion for that..."

"Friday night dinners"

"Family."

"Love"

"You want me to name an emotion for an emotion?"

"What do you feel when you hear the word love?"

"Lonely. Sad. Angry."

"Go with it."

* * *

"Hey Kurt. How was dinner?"

"It was great. But I have a question." Kurt chewed his lip as he sat next to his longest friend.

"Davids a great guy, you should totally go for it."

"What?"

"You were going to ask if you should date him."

"No. I wasn't...We found were great friends, but there's not really any spark. No, what I wanted to ask was what song do you associate with me?" Rachel thought for a moment and played with the hem of her night gown.

"I'm not sure." She said, slightly bitter. "I try to get closer and closer but it's like I'l reach this invisible fence, and I can't move past it. I don't feel like a really know you Kurt, you're the best actor in the world I think."

* * *

Kurt didn't sleep at all that night. When morning came he knew exactly what he was going to sing. It was unlike anything he'd sung before and he was so terrified, but excited, and he was just plain happy he was feeling again.

The audition room at NYADA was filled with people, they weren't all auditioning, and he knew because he was last to go. There was the admissions pannel, and a lot of seniors including Brody who was seated next to a cute blonde. But Kurt couldn't get distracted, because it was his turn.

_I'm sitting in a room,_  
_Made up of only big white walls and in the hall_  
_There are people looking through_  
_The window in the door_  
_they know exactly what we're here for._

_Don't look up_  
_Just let them think_  
_There's no place else_  
_You'd rather be._

_You're always on display_  
_For everyone to watch and learn from,_  
_Don't you know by now,_  
_You can't turn back_  
_Because this road is all you'll ever have._

_And it's obvious that you're dying, dying._  
_Just living proof that the camera's lying._  
_And oh oh open wide, 'cause this is your night._  
_So smile, 'cause you'll go out in style._  
_You'll go out in style._

_If you let me I could,_  
_I'd show you how to build your fences,_  
_Set restrictions, separate from the world._  
_The constant battle that you hate to fight,_  
_Just blame the limelight._

Kurt scanned his audience and saw pleased faces on the admittance comity.

_Yeah, yeah you're asking for it_  
_With every breath that you breathe in_  
_Just breathe it in._  
_Yeah, yeah well you're just a mess_  
_You do all this big talking_  
_So now let's see you walk it._  
_I said let's see you walk it._

_And it's obvious that you're dying, dying._  
_Just living proof that the camera's lying._  
_And oh oh open wide, yeah oh oh open wide._  
_Yeah, oh oh open wide,_  
_'Cause you'll go out in style._  
_You'll go out in style. _

Kurt finished and caught his breath, not registering that he was getting an applause. He smiled and sat next to Rachel who was making googoo eyes at Brody, and once again he caught the eye of that tall Blonde next to him. Blondie smiled and nodded, Kurt wasnt used to male attention so he just blushed and looked to his lap.

* * *

Song is Fences by Paramore. Goodnight lovelies!


End file.
